In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream

Whenever I read David Brooks' columns, I'm always left feeling vaguely irritable. I haven't figured it out until now, after reading Brooks' most recent column. The reason's quite simple: the guy's a milquetoast prick. What a fucking condescending column. Having said that, I have to agree with Brooks' point; that is, Kerry just seems to be flailing blindly in order to get his campaign back on track (or onto any track, as external appearances might suggest). I just hope that President Kerry (premature, I know, but I can always hope...) is not nearly as big a douchebag as his current avatar, Candidate Kerry.

Other bullshit of the week... A nearly-completed version of the report being prepared by Charles Duelfer, the head of the weapons inspection team that's been scouring Iraq for weapons of mass destruction, made its way through Washington a couple of days ago. Consistent with previous conclusions, the Duelfer report asserts that Iraq did not have the ability to produce weapons of mass destruction, but given the chance, probably would. Fuck me. I can already hear the Bush spinmeisters inserting the following phrase into every stump speech from now until Election Day: "Y'see, he had the intent to produce weapons of mass destruction. That's why we were justified to go to war against him." In fact, that very prediction was echoed in Friday's edition of "All Things Considered."

And finally, this is something that's been cooking in the back of my mind for a few days. I propose a new game (sorry, only those whose politics lean to the left are eligible): Pretend to be a "conservative." (I put that in quotes, because genuine conservatives are just as annoyed at Bush as every one on the left.) Basically, every utterance out of your mouth must defend the Bush administration and every criticism must be properly rebuked as unpatriotic and possibly seditious to the point of being treasonous. For example, take this story from today's Times where President Bush responded to Senator Kerry's criticism of the administration's Iraq policy as "... undermining the efforts of American troops in battle." My normal, left-leaning self, would respond with: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'd say the administration's efforts to fight the insurgency in Iraq with the mentality of Ebeneezer Scrooge (e.g., being too goddam cheap to even secure adequate funding so all our troops can be equiped with body armor, etc.) seems to be doing more to undermine our troops than Kerry's criticism." But "conservative" me would say: "President Bush is exactly right. All this negative reporting from the liberal, elite media only serves to aid and abet our enemies. Reports of roadside bombs, suicide car bomb attacks, kidnappings, rebel insurgencies, and whatnot only perpetuate the cycle of violence. Our mission has been accomplished. The Butcher of Baghdad has been apprehended and is being brought to justice. The people of Iraq will never have to live in fear of Saddam Hussein anymore." (And blah, blah, blah. I could go on and on but I'm making myself sick.)

Fuckin' A. How can anyone who can see straight not see that a second Bush administration would be horrible for the US and the rest of the world? What the hell is Kerry doing, running his campaign so ineptly that he drops one opportunity after another to capitalize on Bush's weaknesses? If this were professional sports, someone needs to scream at Kerry to start playing to win rather than playing not to lose. Fuck. Now I'm pissed off again.